fawn

i started with a new therapist yesterday who specializes in somatic therapy and polyvagal theory. what i have been zeroing in on is my fawn response.

i can physically pinpoint the moments when my nervous system floods with adrenaline. when it’s happening, i can basically picture what’s happening inside my body.

these moments can be grouped into a few general areas

1. morning. when i wake up, i panic. i go diving into what i have to do that day, or what terrible thing might happen, what difficult thing is looming. i know that i can reject these thoughts and choose other thoughts and i am learning to but it is difficult.
2. interacting with “authority” figures. the other day i interacted with an entertainment biz honcho and found myself 1) feeling extremely nervous and activated 2) fawning … kowtowing to this woman, putting her on a pedestal.
3. dealing with conflict. i am conflict avoidant which makes it really difficult to navigate this world. i am learning to face conflict and not run away. it is a work in progress.

what’s cool about somatic therapy is that it gives you physical tools to manage your physical discomfort. our bodies are so wise and smart. we must work WITH them to embody ease.