Santosha

Santosha (skt. संतोष saṃtoṣa) literally means “contentment, satisfaction”.^[1][2] It is also an ethical concept in Indian philosophy,^[3] particularly Yoga, where it is included as one of the Niyamas by Patanjali.^[4]

exhale. today was a lovely day.

i stayed in my body.

i told myself many times over: “i love and approve of myself.”

i spent time with my mother and brother and was not triggered.

i did not have the opportunity to attend a yoga class today because it was my daughter’s birthday. i needed to prepare, host and clean up.

but i gave myself the gift of my own magic 10 practice.

and i gave myself the space i needed to recover from so much “togetherness.”

i had 37 years of alone-ness until suddenly, a decade ago, i became a significant other to a father of two small children.

i dove right in. i had several family and friends who were concerned because our courtship was short and i had been a loner for so long – how would i adjust?

i didn’t think about it because i knew in my heart and my gut this was it. there was no intellectualizing. i just knew.

i was right. our ragtag crew was meant to be. at the same time, it was and is so demanding. crushing at times even. yet energizing too … the joy. watching these humans evolve, discover, and grow. having the honor of guiding them through.

looking up at the trees … glorious hundreds of years old trees in our backyard. swaying, green, breezy. ah, it felt delicious. loved ones all around, healthy and well.

i feel very lucky. i appreciate my life very much. i have been through a damned lot, and i am healing. i am keeping positive, expansive, and curious. i did not think about midlife much when i was young. now i think about my later years and how i want them to look.

right now, i hear my husband and the kids playing on the Nintendo switch. yelling, laughing and trash-talking. i feel so so lucky. i am content.