Sometimes we are out there looking for trouble. Storm clouds move in and we are pissed off at the very existence of our loved ones, regardless of whether they actually provoked us. Today was one of those days.
I came home from Yoga class feeling great and refreshed and found my kids occupying the living room. Sprawled over the couches, staring at their phones while the TV blared. Innocent enough … but I felt bothered.
Their father had gone to the grocery store and I was about to paint one of the kids’ bedrooms. Why should the teens sit around doing nothing while we toiled? Why haven’t either of them gotten a job yet?
I was so annoyed, but knowing it wouldn’t be helpful to say anything I just went upstairs and started prepping to paint. As I worked, I continued festering and letting my mind ruminate on overdrive.
Then my youngest child came to paint with me . She was joyful. She thanked me for getting the paint and materials and for letting her paint with me. The chore that I was viewing as drudgery was an exciting opportunity for her.
Her presence helped lift me out of my funk of resentment. If I look at the resentment head on I realize that a lot of what bothers me is a result of choices I have made myself. Karma.
I’m grateful that I have awareness now. I had been living in a reactive state for most of my life, blaming, festering and sublimating my desires.
The simple act of writing this helps release some of my resentment, take responsibility for my choices and think about how I wish to proceed.
We have a choice.